CARPET CLEANERS.

She’s been drinking the bits at the bottom of the bath,
She’s such a dirty bitch;
She’s been licking her lips and making me laugh
In-between her retching fits.
I’ve been waiting for her to wipe off the floor,
I’ve got other uses for it;
I’ve been waiting all day and I can’t wait no more,
And she can no longer ignore it.

She’s been clearing her throat with more than a cough,
She’s not at all ashamed;
She’s been taking it all and it’s still not enough,
And it’s getting quite inflamed.
I’ve been closing my eyes and counting the runs
I’ve never made at cricket;
I’ve been thinking that I should have never begun,
As she bowls my middle wicket.

She’s been chasing my dragon for more than and hour,
She’s getting quite a measure;
She’s been lancing so long I will have to allow her
To slay it for its treasure.
I’ve been up to her down and back from her rear,
I’ve had quite enough of the chase;
I’ve been candid, hand shandied and drunk like a beer,
And pissed on right in the face.

She’s been lying all night with her legs open wide,
She’s asleep with her mouth even wider;
She’s been getting it all, from the in and outside,
And she’s going to get more now I’ve tied her.
I’ve been grateful and thoughtful and as stiff as a board,
I’ve beaten the time of my life;
I’ve been thinking how lucky I am this little whore
Is now my fucking wife.